Dancing On My Own
by quietuniverse
Summary: Remus Lupin isn't sure if he can handle the heartbreak of just how in love he is with Sirius Black for any longer. Unrequited love sucks. In which, Sirius sends mixed signals and Remus is 100% done.


_Somebody said you got a new friend_  
_Does she love you better than I can?_  
_There's a big black sky over my town  
I know where you're at, I bet she's around_

It would never be him.

Remus watches as a giggling Ravenclaw girl grabs Sirius' hand and drags him to the dance floor, leaving him behind at the table without a second thought. Sirius, a natural on his feet, spins the girl around and dips her low; Remus feels sick. The enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall rumbles ominously as clouds tumble about and he laughs bitterly.

_And yeah, I know it's stupid  
__But I just gotta see it for myself_

He knows that he's being ridiculous, but he's well past caring. He can't take it anymore.

James, who has decided to take a momentary reprieve from his dancing marathon, settles down in the chair beside Remus and gives him a knowing look.

"Remus…" he starts to say, but Remus shakes his head.

"I don't need your pity, James. I'll get it over it. I have more important things to worry about, you know, like turning into a raging monster every time the moon is full and such."

_I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her_  
_I'm right over here, why can't you see me  
And I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the guy you're taking home_

The Ravenclaw girl is snogging Sirius like a starved dementor, and Remus idly wonders if McGonagall would give him a detention for vomiting all over the ornate tablecloth. James looks down at his hands and sighs. The boy opens his mouth, as if to say something else, but seemingly thinks better of it. A flash of red hair comes into view, and James claps a hand on Remus' shoulder as he stands back up. Remus hears a foot tapping impatiently in front of him, and he looks up to see Lily Evans standing there looking less than impressed. He diverts his gaze from the dance floor, giving himself a momentary break from the burning feeling inside of his chest.

"Remus Lupin, Sirius Black is a bloody arsehole and you know it. He doesn't deserve you, anyway. Now come and dance with us before I drag you out there kicking and howling."

_I keep dancing on my own_

Remus, knowing better than to argue with Lily, begrudgingly stands and places his hand in hers. She drags both boys to the dance floor, albeit a safe distance from Sirius and his latest conquest.

A couple of songs in, Remus grows suspicious of the goblets of pumpkin juice that Peter had merrily brought over for the group. Regardless of the contents, though, he honestly can't say he minds all that much. A soft, whispering haze has begun to settle in the crevices of his mind, dampening the intensity of his achingly lonely thoughts and loosening his typically controlled demeanor.

Soon enough, a crowd of students from various houses has joined them in the center of the dance floor as word about Peter's festive brew spreads. Remus, who has most certainly never danced in his life, doesn't even care how ridiculous he looks as he follows Lily's lead in some outlandish dance number. He's even approached by a Hufflepuff boy, whom he vaguely remembers seeing in Charms class at one point or another, and easily exchanges conversation with him as they laugh and dance to an upbeat song. His mind is light years away from Sirius Black and the Ravenclaw girl, speaking of—

**"MOOOOOONNY!"**

Sirius, belligerent and tactless as ever, sidles in between Remus and the Hufflepuff boy. His expression is unreadable for a moment as he glances over at the stranger that's chatting up his friend. He then makes a face and places a hand on Remus' forearm and begins to steer him away, calling back over his shoulder, "Sorry, mate! I've got to steal this wolfishly handsome lad from you now, hope you don't mind!"

Remus pulls his arm out of Sirius' grip once they're out of earshot, and glares as he says, "Really, Sirius? What was that for?"

Sirius shrugs and pouts, "I was bored and lonely and that guy is a total KNOB, Moony."

Remus narrows his eyes and scoffs, "I fail to see how snogging the living daylights out of someone can be considered boring."

Sirius crinkles his nose in disgust, and Remus can't help the laughter that bubbles up inside of him as his expression is just so doggishly _Padfoot_. He whines, "Moons, it was a train wreck. I am full of regret. Peter swung by to offer us drinks and I made a run for it."

"And you cockblocked me like no tomorrow."

"I blocked your cock from a dodgy wanker, is what I did. I may have a bad track record with terrible standards, but you — _mon cher _— deserve only the best. "

Remus rolls his eyes affectionately at Sirius, ignoring the flutter in his chest in response to the pet name, and lets him steer them back toward their friends. He's truly hopeless at this point, honestly.

After a couple of songs, Remus realizes that he's lost sight of Sirius once more. He sighs, as mental images of Sirius and the girl come careening back into his mind, but then startles as he feels a pair of arms snake their way around him from behind.

"Miss me?"

Remus shivers as Sirius' lips ghost the shell of his ear, his hot breath trailing down his neck. He should be used to this by now, though, as Sirius has absolutely no regard for personal space when it comes to him. He can't even really blame him, as he has held Remus' scarcely clothed and heavily battered body after many a full moon; he was prone to panicking the morning after and it was deemed safest for Padfoot to stay with him after particularly violent evenings. However, his body's automatic response to Sirius' touch would most certainly be the death of him. Playing it cool was becoming increasingly more difficult as the years went on.

Remus quickly puts his emotions in check and schools his expression into one of neutral indifference as he casually responds, "My heart will go on, Padfoot, with or without you." Sirius looks affronted, and Remus snorts as he rolls his eyes and continues, "I think I'm going to sit the next few out, werewolves weren't made for this much dancing."

As he spins around to head back in the direction of their deserted table, while his dignity is still intact, he's quickly stopped by a hand firmly grabbing his wrist. Sirius smoothly pulls Remus back to him, with that signature Black elegance, and whispers in his ear, "Nuh uh. I need a real dance partner for this song."

Remus bites his lip, contemplating how traumatic it would be for the rest of the students of Hogwarts if he were to spontaneously combust right there in the middle of the Hallowe'en ball. Sirius, meanwhile, is seemingly oblivious to his inner crisis as he takes it upon himself to place his hands on Remus' hips and pulls him close. Remus chokes as their groins briefly touch, a hot, electric feeling shooting straight to his dick. He can feel the tips of his fingers beginning to thrum with magic, the overstimulation sending his insides into a complete frenzy.

_So far away but still so near_

Sirius throws his head back as he dances, and Remus' heart stutters as he takes a moment to appreciate how handsome his friend is in the warm, orange light cast from the floating jack-o'-lanterns above them. His neck is exposed, and Remus is overcome with an almost primal urge to kiss and ravish his pulse point with fervor. He knows these thoughts are dangerous — and honestly fuck Sirius for convincing him to wear his tightest trousers tonight (Moooooony, YOUR ARSE! IT'S A WORK OF ART!) — but he just can't help himself when it comes to Sirius Black.

Nuzzling his face into the crook of Remus' shoulder, Sirius whines, "Remusssssssss, why do you smell so good? Is this cologne? I have a canine sense of smell, you know. This is sooo diiiiiistracting."

Remus' voice nearly cracks as he nervously laughs and says, "Had one too many, eh Pads?"

Sirius grins and responds, "I haven't had any, you bloody git. I'm just having a good time."

This does nothing to appease Remus, as Sirius is on the verge of making out with his neck and he is also apparently not inebriated in the slightest. His breaking point comes when he feels a hot, wet tongue begin to explore the pressure point behind his earlobe, as his dick simultaneously begins to throb against the confines of his trousers. Without hesitation, he roughly shoves Sirius away from him. He's too angry to notice the hurt and confusion that blooms across his friend's face.

"Moony—"

"Fuck off, Padfoot," Remus snaps, "What the damn hell are you trying to get at? I don't give a bloody shite how comfortable you may be with me, you can't just use me as a sodding experiment for bisexual awakening. Or whatever the fuck is going on. Find another bloke to pull and leave me out of it. This isn't fucking fair."

The last words come out strangled and desperate as Remus chokes back tears. He turns and storms out of the Great Hall, willing himself not to look back at Sirius.

His cheeks heat with embarrassment as he makes his way back to Gryffindor Tower; he's managed to keep this stupid, pathetic secret from him for almost seven years and now he's going to have to spend the rest of his final year at Hogwarts avoiding Sirius altogether. Remus storms into the common room, thankful for the fact that it's completely and utterly deserted, and makes a beeline for the boy's dormitory. He's just about halfway up the steps when he hears the pounding of feet headed in his direction, and turns around slowly to find Sirius standing a few steps below him, leaning an arm against the wall as he gasps for breath.

"Moony….please…..just wait," he manages to say in between gulps of air.

Remus ignores him and turns away, with the intention of continuing on to the safety of his four poster bed. A hand gently grabs his to stop him, and he sighs loudly and swings his head around with a withering glare. His next words die on his lips, though, as he sees the broken look on Sirius' face.

"Please, Remus," Sirius desperately gasps, barely able to contain the tremble in his voice, "Just let me talk."

Remus, resigned to the fact that Sirius isn't likely to give up, mutters, "Get on with it, then, Padfoot." He stares down at the ground, unable to look into Sirius' soft, grey eyes.

"Moony, I need you to look at me."

Sirius tentatively reaches out and cups Remus' chin, and Remus feels absolutely pathetic as he gives in to the urge to lean in to his touch. After a moment, he pulls away and finally makes eye contact with Sirius.

Sirius calmly asks, "Did you really think I would use you?"

Remus shrugs, noncommittally, and chooses not to respond.

Sirius takes this as a sign to continue, "Remus, I'm absolute rubbish at this, but I need you to hear me out. This has nothing to do with my sexuality or me suddenly realizing that I also fancy blokes. I've wanted to snog the living daylights out of you and shag you sideways for the better part of my teenage years."

Remus, suddenly incapable of forming any coherent words, just gapes as he stares at Sirius.

Sirius carries on, "Look, Moony. James is quite literally a brother to me, and Pete is well...Pete. You and I, though, we have something different. I honestly don't even know what to call it, but whatever it is...it's one of the most important things I've ever had in my life. Which is why I've never pushed it, because botching our relationship would probably kill me. When you told us all that you thought you fancied blokes, it was one of the best and worst days of my life. It was easier thinking that you'd never look at me the way I look at you. I don't deserve you, I come from a family full of bloody worthless tossers and I know I can be a bit of a dodgy arsehole most days. But when I saw that wanker eyeing you up tonight, something inside of me snapped. I can't pretend anymore. Look, you can just tell me to sod off and we'll act like this never happened. But if you want this, too—"

Sirius is cut off by the gentle caress of Remus' lips, apprehensively grazing his own. The kiss is soft, feather-light, and over before it begins. Remus begins to pull away slightly, but Sirius cards a hand through his hair and holds the back of his head. He leans in so that their foreheads are touching, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath,

"Remus. I need you to **say** it."

Remus' hot breath tickles Sirius' lips, which are but centimeters away, as he finally affirms, "I want you. I want us."

Without hesitation, Sirius licks his lips and closes the distance between them. He claims Remus' lips with his own, with a hot, wet kiss that is full of needy, pent up desperation. Their lips slide together, and Remus is quick to open his mouth to allow Sirius to further claim him with his tongue. Their tongues battle for dominance as Sirius splays a hand across Remus' lower back, pulling him closer so that their bodies are flush. Remus, without warning, bites down on Sirius' lower lip and he nearly whimpers in response as white hot heat courses through his body. Sirius roughly pins him against the wall, and begins to kiss and suck his way from Remus' chin to his collarbone.

Remus, panting and breathless, grabs a fistful of the front of Sirius' shirt. His voice is wrecked as he says, "Pads...wait..."

Sirius reluctantly pulls away, and looks into Remus' eyes imploringly.

Remus, noticing the doubt already creeping across Sirius' face, smirks and says breathily, "Your bed. **Now**."

Sirius Black is certain he will never run up the dormitory steps faster and more eagerly than he did in that moment.


End file.
